It's like when you get a splitting headache but you refuse to take panadol because you believe that you deserve it. Just like how i cut my nails so short because i felt that keeping them long would be dirty and disgusting but they ended up a little too short. Sometimes you know exactly what's going to happen but you just let them happen. Just like how i was sitting at the dining table at this funny hour drinking barley and cracking/peeling chestnut shells and my flesh began to hurt but i kept going on because i suddenly felt like a loser for thinking that it was painful when obviously there's pain in this world so much worse, almost rightfully unbearable. Then i decided that unshelling the smaller chestnuts were not worth it at all.

Some nights i just ramble on like that, almost mindlessly without catching my breath. Maybe i should take those little paracetamol pills now. I feel like i'm physically losing my brain.